An understanding guest lecture removes prejudices
How do you discuss sexual diversity? Former teacher Musa van Maaren, homosexual and Muslim, gives workshops in which he removes prejudices by speaking the language of the student.
Image: Angeliek de Jonge
“Who has ever kissed?” asks Musa van Maaren. Most students of the entrance class for non-native speakers of MBO Amersfoort stand up. A boy who remains seated says: "Not yet sir, but if you ask 'soon', then yes." The whole class bursts into laughter.
The atmosphere is good in the group of newcomers from countries such as Syria, Eritrea or Afghanistan, who vary in age between 17 and 28 years. Yet teacher May-La Kuijpers did not tell them that the guest lecture on sexual diversity would take place today. "I was afraid they wouldn't come."
By remaining silent, you are sending the wrong signal, as if being gay is a bad thing
Van Maaren knows better than anyone that the subject can be sensitive. With great pleasure he taught social studies for years at an MBO institution that gradually received more and more Islamic students. The school management did not allow him to be open about his homosexuality, but that had the opposite effect. Van Maaren was verbally abused, spat on and threatened, even with a gun to his head.
“Being silent is sending the wrong signal, as if being gay is a bad thing. I always went into confrontation to show students that this is not the case,” he says. That commitment took its toll: he came home with a serious burnout and eventually lost his job. In 2004 he wrote the book 'My master is a homo' about it, which has since been translated into English and is compulsory reading at many teacher training colleges.
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Nowadays he teaches workshops on cultural, religious and sexual diversity in schools from primary to higher education. MBO teacher May-La Kuijpers is happy with his arrival. Diversity is regularly discussed in her citizenship lessons at the entrance training (level 1), but she finds it complicated when students react violently. “I know a lot of people who are LGBTI+. If a student then calls them 'dirty' or 'sick', it affects me personally. I also don't know what exactly is written about this in the Quran. So I sometimes miss the peace and the knowledge to respond properly to this.”
In his workshops, Musa van Maaren first tries to build a bond with students, such as with a question game. Image: Angeliek de Jonge
Precisely to be able to have a reply, Van Maaren started to study the Quran. In fact, he felt so at home with that religion and the Islamic community that he converted four years ago. Instead of Peter he is now called Musa and every Friday he goes to the mosque.
In his workshops he never immediately says that he is homosexual, but first tries to build a bond with students, as is now the case with a question game. When asked who has ever had a secret, a girl tells with an inveterate voice how difficult that is. "You're always afraid someone might see it in your eyes," she says. Van Maaren responds with understanding and smoothly bridges the gap to his own story: “I myself have been walking around with a secret for years.”
Real man
He talks with great humor about how he tried to like girls, but completely turned off when it came to sex. “I thought if I start practicing, then it will work, but that was not the case. I fell in love not with girls but with men.” “Oooh, are you gay?” asks a boy. “Yes, I am a zemmel, mariku or ibne”, Van Maaren quickly sums up the swear word in other languages, which leads to a lot of surprised laughter. "Didn't you expect that?"
The boy: "No, I thought you are a real man." When Van Maaren, dressed in a tough red checkered blouse and jeans, stands up and walks through the class in an exaggeratedly effeminate manner, he is again laughing. “This is often the image of a gay person, but that is not correct.”
But sir, how do you become gay?
“But sir, how do you become gay?” asks a boy seriously. Van Maaren: “Let me ask a counter question: how do you become straight?” “But man and woman that is normal, as God wants it”, a girl responds. “Being gay is not a choice, I was born that way,” the guest lecturer explains. “I asked God: why did you make me like this? I tried to change, but couldn't. I have had so much sorrow in my life.” And then another boy says, "Maybe God wants you to be an example to others."
Haram
When the former teacher tells that he has converted to Islam, it makes Muslim youths' eyes widen even more. Two men together that is really not allowed by the Imam, it sounds. “The Koran says that sex before marriage is Haram [forbidden], you may not even think about sex,” Van Maaren responds calmly. “You have to pray five times a day, but many people can't do that either. What I do or don't do is between me and God. Not the Imam, but Allah is ultimately the one who will judge.”
Prejudice disappear when you really get to know someone
After two hours the workshop ends with applause. When asked what the students thought of it, a boy replies: “Pity. Oh no, I mean fun, haha.” “Very interesting,” says one girl. “Yes, this way you get to know each other much better,” says another. The boys who put up the most resistance beforehand, now participated best, notes teacher Kuijpers. “That shows how well a guest lesson works. Prejudice disappear when you really get to know someone.”
The fact that two boys left class early should not be taken negatively, she believes. “It could also be because they couldn't quite follow the story. Some have only been in the Netherlands for a year and a half.” Van Maaren is very satisfied: “The fact that students asked so many questions and that all emotions could be there means that they felt safe. That is what I strive for: a society in which everyone dares to be themselves.”
Musa, formerly Peter, van Maaren can be reached via petervanmaaren@gmail.com
Read also these tips for a good conversation about sexual diversity in the classroom. Or the article Gender boxes get in the way on gender neutral education.
