Understanding angry parents in corona time
Going to school with a snot? Mouth caps on or not? Test, yes or no? The ever-changing corona measures cause stress for students and their parents. School leaders and teaching staff are doing everything they can to steer the emotions in the right direction.
Picture: type tank
The hallway is full of excited students, Santa is approaching. Teacher Brigitte, who teaches the lower classes of a primary school in the center of the country, is busy. She is in charge of the party and has just been told that she must suddenly make Sinterklaas also appear online, because an entire group is unexpectedly in quarantine. While she is busy making sure everything runs smoothly, she sees a student standing with his mother in the doorway. “I knew my duo colleague had sent this student home the day before,” Brigitte says. "So I asked if he was symptom-free, because there were multiple infections and these parents do not want to have their child tested."
The student replies with sniffling and coughing. Brigitte has no choice but to send him home, as the team agreed. Raising her voice, the mother shouts that it is just snot from the journey through the cold. She curses. “With words that are not intended for children's ears,” Brigitte says. “But you know, I get it so well. Especially on a special school day with Sinterklaas, but I have to stick to those rules.”
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tensions
Brigitte does not want to put her last name and the name of her school in it Education magazine† The incident has now been resolved successfully, but it aptly illustrates how stress is rising in many schools during corona time.
Tensions and confrontations between education staff and parents or students are seeping into the classrooms, according to the School and Safety Foundation. Disturbing signals came in to the organization: parents threatening the school because of the mask obligation, students who adhere to conspiracy theories or heatedly discuss vaccinations. Headmasters and school leaders have conflicts with parents about whether or not to keep students at home, the foundation reported on its website in December.
Discussions
School director Miranda van de Kolk of the Gelderland School in The Hague, a school with about 250 students, has also noticed that there are more discussions, of which slightly more than half have been in the country for less than four years. She has working days that are all about corona. “Shortly before the Christmas holidays I had a parent on the phone who had no idea that the school would close a week earlier.”
As director, she has to process all calls. She notices that parents are fed up. “Such a closure creates tension and stress. Many of our parents are day laborers, so not working for a few days is a drain on their budget.” Together with the interpreters, Van de Kolk handles all discussions and questions: from children who have to go home because of snot to the explanation about testing. “I do that consciously. I take it away from the teachers, who have to focus on differences in level in the classroom.”
It doesn't help that there are always new measures. Van de Kolk: “One week snot is not a problem and since the summer holidays it suddenly became. I have to enforce rules that I didn't come up with.”
That is not always easy. Fellow school director Ralf van Iperenburg of the Oranjeschool in Rotterdam felt embarrassed last year by a sudden adjustment of guidelines. “At first you were not allowed to do a self-test in case of complaints,” he says. “Each time I referred parents to the GGD street for the PCR test. I started the conversation about it over the phone. Always listen carefully and then explain the choices. But then the policy suddenly changed and self-tests were okay.”
Sentiment
Sentiment has changed in the corona years, Van Iperenburg noted. “At first, parents did not want to send children to school for fear of corona. Now you notice that they are doing everything they can to have their child at school.” He thinks the biggest dilemma is that in normal circumstances you always want to have children at school. “Certainly our students who need education so badly to achieve equal opportunities. Now you have to deny them education because of snot. We are concerned about that.”
Sentiment has changed in the corona years
During this corona pandemic, the school director from Rotterdam discovered where the border lay for him. That happened when he received letters in which parents demanded that the school not secretly vaccinate their child. “During discussions about this, I keep it short and come straight to the essence: we are a school and we provide education. I said to parents, "I want to reassure you, but hope you trust us." In retrospect, a parent agreed with the school. “It's difficult,” says Van Iperenburg. “You don't know what they read and where they get information from.”
Distrustful parents who think their child is secretly vaccinated. School leader Esther Tobé of Kindcentrum Colorful in Deventer can have a say in this. “Children didn't come to school for that reason.”
Tobé thinks it's difficult that you can't sit down with people normally: “It's no longer possible to have a cup of coffee, everything is done by telephone. I try to stay close to myself and usually I come out with parents. Recently there was a student who saw white and was not well. When I mentioned it, she said, "Yeah, but Mommy has to work." I then try to explain to the parent that she has to go home now for everyone's safety. My message is often: we also try to arrange it for your child. We want it to be safe and pleasant. That is close to the role of a teacher. What really helps is assuming that everyone means well. And sometimes it is difficult. After all, I am not a virologist.”
school app
Brigitte, the teacher with whom this story begins, received a message in the school app after sending the student away and called the mother after school. “There is always something behind the frustrations you see,” she says. “Mother did not want to have her child tested, because she had very bad experiences. She did do a self-test and when I said that this was also allowed, she was pleasantly surprised. I believe in dialogue, you can cling to rules, but everyone has their story. Understanding arises when you know and maybe even understand each other's story.”
You can cling to rules, but everyone has their story
Rotterdam director Van Iperenburg noticed that a consistent story, coordinated within the school team, works best. “A clear vision means a lot less hassle. All decisions are then made on the basis of that principle.” Timely communication is important. “I noticed that you remove a lot of noise and questions if you communicate in the school app immediately after a press conference. You can often prepare the scenarios and discuss them in advance with your team and the participation council. And if you don't know something, you say it."
A clear vision means a lot less hassle
For Van de Kolk, holding the conversation at a different time was sometimes the solution. “If it wasn't respectful, I'd like to listen to someone at another time. I understand the emotion if you have no income, are single or do not have a social security number. I always try to move in that. Only, if a parent walks into the school to watch something without a mouth cap and then gets mad at me, then I'm tired of it sometimes. In this case, I calmly referred to the app that lists everything. It then helps to blow off some steam with my team. Or with my husband, who is also in education.”
Tips for having difficult conversations in corona time? Read this article.
