Ignorance kills transgender people
How do you deal with students with gender dysphoria? Two transgender people look back on their coming out at school and the time after. "The most important thing is: create a safe climate."
When Amy gave a speech in 7th grade about gender dysphoria and also told her classmates that she felt like a girl - despite the fact that she was born a boy - the response was initially 'quite good'. “But the next day the bullying started,” says Amy, who is now 20 years old and started her English teacher training in September. “During that time I was ignored, abused and beaten up. It was so bad that I wanted to go through life as a boy again and had myself removed from the waiting list of the gender clinic in Amsterdam.”
I understand a speech about crocodiles, but one about gender dysphoria often goes wrong
Gert Bekendam knows the stories of schools that with the best of intentions help transgender children to 'come out' with a speech or PowerPoint presentation.
“I understand a talk about crocodiles, but how can you have a child tell about something that involves so many emotions in a way that other children understand. That is impossible and it often goes wrong. " Bekendam worked for years as a teacher and vice principal in secondary education and in 2005 came into contact with a transgender student whom he guided her coming out. After he spoke about this at a study day with four hundred internal supervisors and deans, his name was established. “At that time in the land of the blind one-eyed was king,” he says modestly.
Transgender care
Since his retirement, Bekendam has been employed by youzu in Zaandam, a mental health institution that offers young people specialized transgender care, and he has helped about five hundred students with their coming out at school. Knownam has developed a format for the coming-outs in the classroom with which he draws attention to and explains the theme in a mentor hour. “Only after a while do I draw attention to the student in question - whom I always ask to sit at the front of the class in a preliminary conversation, so that everyone doesn't turn around and stare at him or her.
Amy notices that there is more attention for gender dysphoria in society and the media. "It is becoming increasingly negotiable."
A coming-out like this is often accompanied by a lot of emotion, which is why I am constantly in control. Classmates are invited to ask their questions to the transgender student. This is used sparingly in VWO classes, while responses are less reserved in VMBO classes. "
But even if everything goes well and there are many statements of support, the work isn't done yet, Bekendam says. “The moment I stand in front of that class, a letter is sent out from the administration to all parents on this subject. That is important, because by informing parents you ensure that they can be discussed at home. ”
Ignorance
Amy, who made a new attempt in high school, now under supervision, was to no avail. “In itself the coming-out went well and my supervisor then also gave a presentation in all third grades. But there was a lot of ignorance among students and teachers. At the time I was at a Christian school in a village in the biblebelt where many had never heard of gender dysphoria. The days after that I was often called after. Teachers also regularly sent me out for nothing. I felt like she was one of me freak found. And when I came to the management and said that I had been wrongfully expelled, they always sided with the teachers. ”
In her high school in the biblebelt, Amy felt that students and teachers were her one freak found. Image Angeliek de Jonge
high fives
Mick (also 20, not his real name) had a smooth coming out at his primary school. “I got a lot high fives and other students suddenly wanted to play with me, while before that they ignored me. " Still, he continued to feel somewhat lonely. In high school he was much less bothered by this, because there he quickly found a group of friends with whom he felt at home. "At that time I was also more confident of myself and had a bigger mouth, that also makes a difference."
Still, he suffered a setback in his high school days when he was called 'it' by classmates during a camp where he was constantly called. “Fortunately, I was able to talk about this with my mentor and I made it a topic for discussion with him in class. That helped. ”
Mick was constantly referred to as 'it' during a camp
According to Bekendam, the day after a coming out at school is perhaps even more important than the coming out day itself. “Then the daily pattern returns and understanding and acceptance can sink away. What you sometimes see is that boys on the day of the coming-out have a very positive attitude, like 'yes of course you can join us in gym', but when the gym class is on the schedule a day later, they scribble anyway back." As a school, you should monitor this properly, Bekendam believes. Schools must also adjust the desired gender in the administration and make clear agreements about where the boy or girl in question can change. “Furthermore, most schools do not have gender-neutral toilets. What you regularly see is that transgender students stop their need all day out of shame and only go to the toilet when they are back home. Very annoying and also very unhealthy. ”
Acceptance
Mick thinks he may have had it a little easier than others, because his high school already had experience with a previous transgender student. “If anyone made any move to bully me, then the school was immediately on top of it. And it was never a problem if I had to go to the gender clinic in Amsterdam during school. ”
Still, like Amy, he thinks schools should do more to create a safe environment for gender diversity. “That starts with attention to the subject,” he says. “In schoolbooks there is usually only one page on homosexuality and one paragraph on gender dysphoria. No, dedicate an entire chapter to it and make it a project so that students really have to explore what it entails. Then they will understand it more and as a transgender you will be accepted much sooner. ”
Out of embarrassment, transgender students often hold back their needs all day and only go to the toilet at home
Amy notices that gender dysphoria is getting more attention in society and the media, with TV shows like He is a she and with youtubers like Nikkie de Jager. "For me personally it doesn't do much, but I do notice that people are talking about it, so it is becoming increasingly negotiable."
Gert Familiam expects that his expertise will still be needed in education in the coming years. “Most schools I visit only experience this once in a while, so building up expertise becomes difficult.” He wants to stop in three years - he is 69 - but he has not yet found a successor. “There have been people that I have tried to train, but that never came to fruition. Perhaps that was because they were all people from outside education. In the end, it's about being able to convey it well and that it sticks in such a class. Teaching experience is more important than knowledge of gender issues.”
Schools that want to make school culture gender inclusive can contact Transgender Network Netherlands, which has developed the 'Gender Doeboek' for schools containing information about gender diversity, advice and practical tips.
De GSA Education Standard from COC Nederland, a tool that helps students and teachers in a concrete way to make their school a pleasant and safe place for everyone. By logging in you will also find concrete tips for schools.
Gay & School (part of the School en Veiligheid foundation) has extensive information for transgender students on its website.
